The entire time you are a kid, you are asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” You give the expected answers…Doctor, Lawyer, Firefighter, Police Officer who works at Thornton’s (yeah, Abbie…I see you lol). Adults will encourage you and talk to you about why you want to be that but somewhere along the line, at times, there is a disconnect. No one asks you what your Plan B is, in the event that your master plan doesn’t happen. And let’s be real…how often does that pipe dream really happen?
So here were are with me in the here and now. I am left standing here not sure what to do. I was a smart kid! I still am, who are we kidding?? Lol! But my grandiose life plan of being an astronaut didn’t happen, and I was left with nothing. No direction. No purpose. And I just flopped at life from there. I became a disappointment to everyone, including myself. How do you go from shooting for the stars, quite literally, to being a bankrupt single mother who isn’t sure how she is going to make it to next month, let alone retire? And better yet, how do you get OUT of this place of not quite rock bottom, but for sure close enough that your toes can touch??
I have all of these wonderful things that I love doing, things where I excel, that I could probably make as a career. The only problem is I have no earthly idea on how to make any of it happen. It isn’t something that I was ever taught. It is almost like it was just expected that I would know what to do, like it was an intuition or something. Confidence was NOT something that was instilled in me. As a matter of fact, I am the least confident person in the world because nothing I ever did as a child was good enough. Yeah, I know, blame it on my childhood…but that really is the root of my lack of self-confidence. I was teased and made fun of to no end. Anything less than perfect wasn’t enough, and even then, it wasn’t enough. My brain doesn’t think like other people, and because it doesn’t think like my parents or my siblings or my aunts and uncles, I was “book smart, but not life smart.” So yeah, let’s call a spade a spade and move on.
I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I want a career where I love what I do, not where I dread my job every day. I have an idea that probably doesn’t make sense to most – how does it all fit together, Lacy? – but it is for me to worry about, not anyone else! I need to get the joy from it, not anyone else. I need to be me, not what anyone else wants me to be. Most importantly, I want to teach my kids the importance of a backup plan…and to show them that it is never too late to figure out your life. I’m going to be 48 in April. 48! How is that possible? But even at 48, I can still create a career and a life that I love and enjoy, one that I can share with others.
I hope you will join me as I venture out and take some risks, put myself out there and be vulnerable, and watch as I either fumble and have to get back up and start over, or as I succeed and soar! Let’s hope for the latter, but I really hope you will join me along the way.
Love you most,
Lacy
