**It’s not what you think….**
Is it a party? Is it the social event of the year? Social media is the happening place right? It’s where we have jewelry parties and go live to share what is going on around us at any given moment in time. We don’t even have to have people in our homes anymore. We don’t have to meet in public places. We just set up a time to be on social media at the same time to watch a person live streaming themselves and all the conversation in the world can happen right there, right? Human interaction doesn’t even have to take place anymore. For introverts, this is a god-send! For extroverts, it’s the time and place for them to put alllll their business out there for the world to see!!
But what about when it starts to impact your personal life? What about when the word “affair” takes on a different meaning? What is the definition of affair that hits you when you see the title of this post? Do you think of soirées where women are dressed in ball gowns and men are decked out in black ties? Do you think of weddings or parties of any kind? Or do you think of infidelity? Do you think of your partner sending friend requests to woman after woman, knowing he shouldn’t be? Do you think of your spouse flirting with a coworker, and wonder how far it has gone? I was recently introduced to a concept that put a lot into perspective for me. Micro-cheating. Interesting word, interesting concept, detrimental impact. I had to do a little research to make sure I was understanding it correctly, and it turns out, this “micro-cheating” can end up being a big deal if you aren’t careful.
Micro-cheating is basically small breaches of trust in your relationship that don’t actually amount to a physical affair, but can – and usually does – make you question your partner’s commitment and loyalty to the relationship. It can be sending flirty messages or texts to someone other than you, liking or commenting on social media posts or photos – or even simply just continuously scrolling through someone’s pictures, especially when they are pictures of the person showing off their body in some way. It can be sending friend requests or following people their partner wouldn’t approve of in secret. It can be turning to someone other than a partner to share information about the relationship or lying about their relationship status. Micro-cheating erodes trust and can eventually lead to something deeper, sometimes even emotional or physical infidelity if it continues. Micro-cheating can be an addiction to viewing other people’s social media profiles for hours on end without recognizing it as a problem.
One of the biggest issues left in the wake of micro-cheating is the damage caused, not just to the relationship, but also to the person cheated on. Trust, once lost, is not easily regained. The best image I can give is this….a piece of paper, once balled up and flattened out, will never be the same as it was originally. The same is true of trust. Once it is damaged, it can never be pure again. Trust issues often lead to self-esteem issues, self-worth issues, and a whole slew of self-destructive thought processes. For most, these issues are hard to heal from, and for some, healing never comes.
Why am I writing about this? Well, friends, let me say this. I have been the victim of micro-cheating more times than I care to admit. It’s like I have a sign floating above my head that says “HEY!!! Right here!!!! This is your next victim!!!” Needless to say, it’s a pretty sore subject for me, and when I saw there was an actual TERM for what I have gone through, I thought, well, Lacy, you have to share this shit!! There are others out there who are going through the same struggle and think that there is something wrong with THEM for feeling that these behaviors are more than just scrolling through the internet. NOPE!!! It’s a real thing…and if you are dealing with it, you aren’t facing it alone. I wish I could tell you that I had the answer for how to “fix” micro-cheating, but it’s new to me and I have yet to figure it out. However, I do have some thoughts.
I’m big on communication. Speak your truth. Do it with love and kindness, but be direct and honest. Tell your partner that you feel this is what they are doing and that you don’t like it. Tell them the specifics of what you don’t like. Give them an opportunity to address your concerns and even a time to correct their actions. Maybe they don’t see what they are doing as micro-cheating, or they may not even understand what it is. You may hear something like “it’s not any different than watching porn,” or even “I don’t see it as a big deal since I am not physically with these people.” Be prepared to answer back. Make sure you have a fair conversation and be open.
Do you have thoughts on this? Have you experienced micro-cheating or are you currently a micro-cheater? Input, Stephanie!!! (Name that movie reference) Tell me your side of this whole deal. Or, just give me your feedback, regardless of your experiences with micro-cheating. Let’s work together to help each other through this!!
Love you most,
Lacy
